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Forum » Off Topic » Writings » My turn (poem wise) (:))
My turn (poem wise)
HellishProphetDate: Monday, 2010-01-11, 9:12:38 PM | Message # 1
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Well i saw yuki had a few poems up and i decided to see how yall like mine. Warning, i LOVE writing and i usually go very dark with them even tho im one of the more upbeat ppl ull ever meet. Well heres a shot, if yall like this one i wrote in about 5-10min, ill post some of the ones i spent more time on. Its not my best but not my worse. Besides, im a hellishprophet, i gatta be good with dark wording :P

Wall

My wall stands tall
Strong and powerful
No words or rocks you throw will harm me
No way shall anything make it fall

The hoards of the fallen
The hoards of the ascended
Descend upon my walls
Battered and bruised
My wall stands tall

They come to help
Others come to hurt
But they wont get to me
For its still there

When the day comes
That my wall may fall
When a force makes it crumble
Falling to the ground
Destroying everything i know

Exposing myself to the world
Letting all who dare pass
Things come and fill me
As i throw them away

From the rubble of insecurities
The wall rises again
Stronger and taller
Forcing all who know back
Back away behind

Its my shelter from them
Its my barrier from hurt
Its my shield from love
Its my home behind it all

There was a time before this wall
Before it was even needed
It was needed for i was vulnerable
I was vulnerable because i was foolish

Opening up my soul for them to devour
Feeding off like many did
Leaving gluttonously happy
As i wither on the ground

Foolishness kept me there
Their demons became mine
My life became their toy
A toy and nothing more

When all left and went
Laying there consumed
Wishing to stop the suffering
But it only continued

That was my only use
My purpose
My life
My all

All have left
They had their fill
Waiting for more
The constant hunger

Cant take it no more
Cant handle it no more
Cant withstand the pressure no more
Cant understand my reason no more

Standing there i start
Brick by Brick
The wall forms
The wall rises

Demons waiting to consume
Angles wanting to heal
None can enter
For my wall is finished

The savior is lost
Drowned by hell
Hope sinks with him
So do I

Shaking and rattling
Trembling and weeping
Cracking and Contorting
They bang on the wall

Day and Night
Trying to breach
To feed once again
Never again

Looking over the edge
Fiends prowl
Horrors scream
Demons lurk

Should i jump
Leaving the safety of my wall
That has kept me sane
Sane, if you can even call it that

As the wind hits my face
As the shadows grow
As my soul descends
The wall falls away
And I wonder
Is it all worth it

On US East: Fatmandown

lvl 999 RG: +5 Wings, 2 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Leggy R.o.E., Sphere of Az

lvl 998 Priest: +4 Wings, 1 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Rare R.o.E., 1 DS +2

lvl 970 Shadown Ele: +5 wings, leggy ace

Message edited by HellishProphet - Monday, 2010-01-11, 9:16:15 PM
 
WhimsicalyukiDate: Sunday, 2010-01-17, 3:03:16 PM | Message # 2
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here's my reply to it as a continuation of the poem in yuki-vision :P(oh and uhmm it sounds nice, some parts sound kind of awkward but other than that it sounds good ^-^)

As walls Fall apart
I see the world
The world that has moved on
While i was frozen

Without understanding
I feel despair
I turn back
to find that i can't go back

My sanctuary has fallen
I am lost
The world floods into me
I am overwhelmed

The demons haunt while
Angels are crushed by the fall
I begin to realize once more
that world is cruel

Running away,
I found myself alone
Weeping at the pain
I fall asleep

Finding strength
I build once more
As the walls rise around me
I feel safer

With the walls completed
I feel secure
Taking a break
I look around

Only to find that
my demons are within
and any help the world has to give
is separated from me

I find myself cornered
as Demons rise
Overwhelmed with Lonliness
I freeze once more

what would happen if Yuki was a vampire
 
PrincessParanoiaDate: Monday, 2010-01-18, 7:15:17 AM | Message # 3
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Wow! It sounded like I was rapping when I read both of your poems aloud! Fascinating! tongue
[Princess Paranoia] .......<3....... Sumtyms n lyf,
if u wana do sumthin' good, u gota do sumthin' bad.
 
WhimsicalyukiDate: Monday, 2010-01-18, 11:11:42 AM | Message # 4
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:P rap = reading a poem out loud in a rhythmic pattern. That's pretty much what it is, but uhmm usually to rhyme they use a lot of bad words >_> and the topics are mostly uhmmm non-existent, at least most of them don't have a profound meaning to it, but some does, and personally i like some raps whether they have a good point or not >_< :P anyways Tahnks ^-^ I couldn't really think of how to reply to a poem if i wasn't about to write one, but it wasn't good just useful for expressing oneself :P

Edit: Mine not yours HellishProphet >_<

what would happen if Yuki was a vampire


Message edited by Whimsicalyuki - Monday, 2010-01-18, 11:12:12 AM
 
HellishProphetDate: Monday, 2010-01-18, 12:31:50 PM | Message # 5
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Quote (Whimsicalyuki)
oh and uhmm it sounds nice, some parts sound kind of awkward but other than that it sounds good ^-^

ahhh sounds like ur trying to make it better than it is with that "ummmm" in there XD. Honestly i know it aint great, I let that one flow to me and i wanted to see if i could make a good poem with flow rather with rhyme. Its a work in progress because I know it gets awkward to keep flow in some parts. I was wondering since u are more experienced with poems maybe u could help me with that. Cuz besides the "Can't" stanza, i cant see much that dont seem outta place. Itd be greatly appreciated. Ive also been told my poem has no structure what so ever so apparently i need more poetry experience than i thought :P.

Btw, heres a new one. This one focuses on repeating on one word.

Broken

Broken teardrops
falling down
an angel's face.

Broken eyes
look from a
broken angel's grace.

A broken heart
lives a broken lie.
Broken tears
The angel's life.

Broken ties
make lives unwind.
Broken soul
crys till the end of time

An angel's grief
falls on the world
in the form of rain.

So much broken
that none can cope.
Not even the angels
who live above.

The skyward tears
reflect the
broken angel's pain.

Brokenness.
A crumbling heart;
a shattered soul.

On the clouds above
passing through all their sorrow
endlessly betrayed

For they don't cry those
broken teardrops
anymore.

Broken angels soaring
Broken angels roaring
Broken angels, broken.

Edit: Btw, i updated the first poem to make it....flow....a little better.

Edit2: Nvm the first edit, its seems i have hit the same problem kevin had, i cant edit the first post of the thread. So here the revised version is in a spoiler.


On US East: Fatmandown

lvl 999 RG: +5 Wings, 2 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Leggy R.o.E., Sphere of Az

lvl 998 Priest: +4 Wings, 1 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Rare R.o.E., 1 DS +2

lvl 970 Shadown Ele: +5 wings, leggy ace

Message edited by HellishProphet - Monday, 2010-01-18, 11:08:59 PM
 
WhimsicalyukiDate: Sunday, 2010-01-24, 0:50:08 AM | Message # 6
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mm i'm not a very good poet, in fact one of my worst subjects is english >_> especially in terms of grammar >_< so can't really help you much, i just like writing poems to get my feelings out and thought that it might be able to help people feel like they're not alone if they were to read it, so basically I like feedbacks on my bad poems as long as it's not something that's just completely horrible comment that isn't really well justified, & I want to comfort people if it makes sense to them(not very sure how clear i express myself and whatnot >_>). Oh and i hope you liked my reply that I thought was poetic but some or even most might not mmm as for this poem i'm not really in the mood to write a reply like last time, probably because it's past midnight where i am, and uhmm it might be because of my mood but uhh i think the first one flowed better, but i think i like the theme of 2nd one better at least that's what i'm feeling right now O_O and i'm pretty random so..... yup can't really rely on what i say since my views change a loooot >_< and very frequently
what would happen if Yuki was a vampire
 
KrazyFruitDate: Saturday, 2010-01-30, 6:13:46 PM | Message # 7
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I like to swim,
it's not a sin.

You should try,
don't be shy.

Water is good,
as vital as food.

Will you give it a go,
or you keep sayin' "No"?

 
WhimsicalyukiDate: Sunday, 2010-01-31, 1:57:34 PM | Message # 8
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Hey Fruity is a poet! :P the topic is like not as deep as a lot of others, but i like the topic(I like water, swimming, snow, ice, etc :P) though it's kind of weird like poem it flows nice and I like it ^-^ It might just get stuck in my head >_> and make me go all like AHHHHHHHHHHHH GET OUT OF ME HEAAAAADDDDD
what would happen if Yuki was a vampire
 
KrazyFruitDate: Sunday, 2010-01-31, 2:54:21 PM | Message # 9
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Nah, it was short, lame and easy xD Not hard to make those ^^. You should try, dont by shy ;D I'm not good at making deep and meaningful poems but simple ones that rhyme and flow x)

If it'll ring the bell,
it's easy as hell.

 
God_Of_DeathDate: Sunday, 2010-01-31, 4:36:58 PM | Message # 10
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Round and round we go
Where we'll stop no one knows
Tripping over Bear

Don't try to figure out the meaning because it has none.

 
KrazyFruitDate: Sunday, 2010-01-31, 4:56:05 PM | Message # 11
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~Tripping over the Bear
Shall we leak no tear.

An user made us a rhyme,
and it was pretty fine.

I like to spend some time,
on writing the next rhyme.

Whoever shall contine,

And it will be left open so everybody can take part >.<
And it does have a meaning now ;D

 
WhimsicalyukiDate: Monday, 2010-02-01, 9:08:11 AM | Message # 12
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I'm not very good at rhyming O_O I just write whatever i feel like in a flow that i feel that is poetic like the words >_< mmmm not sure if i rhymed any of my poems but mmmm those short poems are pretty funny :P maybe i'll try one

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Life is hard
Reality is barred
We gape towards the world
In which we can't escape
We try to get free
to be filled with glee
Only to be caught
it was all for naught

tried to rhyme here but ummm yeah >_<

what would happen if Yuki was a vampire
 
HellishProphetDate: Saturday, 2010-02-20, 11:53:19 AM | Message # 13
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See yuki, there is more to poetry than just rhyming. Infact, most great poems dont even rhyme at all. Its all about the meter, flow, and message.

Btw yuki, im gunna do what u did to me, ima respond to that poem u just made with a poem XD

Cracks on the world
Forever being seen
Start to show
For all to see

Imperfect their world is
Happy and glee
Seeing not its faults
Living in bliss

Not all worlds stay perfect
For no world is
Only a fool's mind
Refuses to reveal this

Their world is no exception
Filling it with untold sins
Bastardizing all reality
For weak minded hope

Reality is a causality
Delusion is a victor
One giant high
Is all they become

Pity is above them
Tears fall from them
No hope bestows them
Humans are them

On US East: Fatmandown

lvl 999 RG: +5 Wings, 2 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Leggy R.o.E., Sphere of Az

lvl 998 Priest: +4 Wings, 1 Astral Armors, 1 Legion Armor, 1 Rare R.o.E., 1 DS +2

lvl 970 Shadown Ele: +5 wings, leggy ace

 
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