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Forum » Off Topic » Writings » ancient chinese torture
ancient chinese torture
darkchaosDate: Tuesday, 2011-10-18, 8:33:54 PM | Message # 1
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A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."


 
Sandman366Date: Thursday, 2011-10-20, 1:24:15 PM | Message # 2
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Lol! That's hilarious. You really should've checked for that first DC before throwing a rock out and jumping after it :P (eheh jk)

But yeah, the kid in that is a moron, because he could've just grabbed the rope before the rock hit the ground, and could've paid attention to everything around him other than the rock, because you should never underestimate an opponent-especially one that sounds pathetic with that rock, yet could easily be a distraction.

So really, it's his fault for not paying enough attention to what these tortures could've been, and for not running away after he laid much more than a finger on the daughter. (Though if his hands never touched her [which granted would've been a little difficult], he can't be touched by the old man.)


Malevolent criminal I,
when the vision paints my mind.
Cross the invisible line...
...and you'll be paid in kind.
 
abeticdiDate: Thursday, 2011-10-20, 9:17:16 PM | Message # 3
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I... am pretty sure i would feel a rope tied to my testicles =O

Soon - Sometime within the next 5 years, although it may be longer.
 
Sandman366Date: Monday, 2011-10-24, 1:35:50 PM | Message # 4
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Quote (abeticdi)
I... am pretty sure i would feel a rope tied to my testicles =O

I think I'd notice a rope on the rock too. Kid really deserved it for being so stupid the next morning. Just one knife and he could've gotten out of the "tortures"...


Malevolent criminal I,
when the vision paints my mind.
Cross the invisible line...
...and you'll be paid in kind.
 
abeticdiDate: Sunday, 2012-05-27, 7:19:45 AM | Message # 5
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And also what would make someone decide to randomly throw the rock out the window? O.o

Soon - Sometime within the next 5 years, although it may be longer.
 
Sandman366Date: Sunday, 2012-05-27, 6:22:27 PM | Message # 6
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So in reality, the tortures were meant for idiots. Really weren't dangerous at all if he payed attention to anything but the daughter.

Malevolent criminal I,
when the vision paints my mind.
Cross the invisible line...
...and you'll be paid in kind.
 
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